I wish I was her, the girl who wakes up in the morning and makes her bed right after. The one who then starts a long strenuous face wash routine in order to preserve her perfect baby face. Then go brushes her teeth and starts the perfect teapot to start her busy day. What can I say? One can only dream of the perfect lifestyle, and thanks to social media my need and want to become just like her has become greater. I fight myself each day because instead, I don’t have a set schedule each day and my everyday normal is a constantly shifting floor of consistent changes. I’m constantly drowning in my mess of overdue dishes and spent-up laundry. This in turn makes my brain swell into a disorderly mess that carries on over into other areas of my life and I end up even more disappointed in myself. My frustrations then kick in and I pull out the measuring stick of how and what my life should be like. The pressure is real because It’s not just my inner self-expectations anymore it’s my peers and everyone around me doing things that I’ve not done yet and nothing kills me more than feeling like all the work I’ve put into my career and myself has been in vain because even though I know it hasn’t it sure does feel like it, especially when two almost three years in I’m not meeting my expectation of what I wanted it to be. I’ve poured my blood sweat and tears into my coaching and writing career and it just seems to be taking forever to ripen and bear fruit. Yet I keep pushing through carrying along with a load of my broken dreams because it’s finally the one thing that drives me. I’ve done countless jobs over and over only to find myself where I am today. In a spot frustrated and not see where my life is going from here on. I could only hope for my frustration to lead up but the mindset I’ve acquired needs to change for my life to go as planned. I’ve come to another crossroads in my life and I don’t know what or where I should go from here, except that something has to change and that change has to come from within I need to stop comparing myself to the idea of something or someone perfect because there is no such thing and the perfect lifestyle does not exist. I am walking in my purpose on my journey and am exactly where God wants me to be. He has a path for me and I should not want to accelerate it or jump to the next page just because I want to read my next chapter. Instead, I should enjoy the ride and bask in its joys.
Clisver's Blues 